Struggling to find love and wondering why? Perhaps it is time to rethink your communication style and buy a new deodorant
Name: Double texting.
Age: The first text message – which incidentally said “Merry Christmas” – was sent on 3 December 1992.
Bit premature then, wasn’t it, Merry Christmas on 3 December? Maybe, but that’s not the point. This is about double texting, which obviously must have first happened some time after that.
Obviously. And obviously I know what double texting is. But just remind the less savvy readers. Double texting is when you send someone two or more text messages before they send you a response.
Guilty as charged! Is that bad? What is your relationship status?
Single, as it happens, but what’s that got to do with anything? Double texting is on a list of relationship icks in a poll commissioned by the dating site Seeking.
Icks? (Again, I know what this is, of course, but maybe not everyone does.) The ick is something you find off-putting or disgusting, which prevents you from finding someone attractive.
And double texting is an ick? What if they just didn’t see the first one? They did. And a second text might have made them think you’re insecure, needy, clingy or impatient.
Mmmm. What if I am all those things? Maybe best not to advertise that. In the poll of 2,000 adult Brits, nearly half said they’d ended a relationship because of an ick.
What else is on this ick list? Smelling bad is No 1.
Ick! That’s something I don’t suffer from. Also: pretending to be more knowledgable than you actually are – for example, that you know what ick and double texting mean.
Next! Dirty fingernails, bad teeth, being rude to waiting staff …
Service was optional, I opted out. We were on a date and I thought the waiter was too loud. Fair enough; loudness is also on the ick list, as it happens. Along with oversharing on social media, putting on a baby voice, being into star signs, clapping when the plane lands …
Nooo! I even clap when the bus stops. And you’re single, you say?
What about the time in 2009 when I was on a flight out of New York and we hit a flock of geese right after takeoff? Both engines shut down, but the pilot managed to land the plane on the Hudson River. OK, that time it was acceptable to applaud the bravery of Capt Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.
Who is an Aquarius, I believe. ICK!
Do text: “Merry Christmas! No need to reply.”
Don’t text: “Why haven’t you replied to my last six messages??!!!! Are you ignoring me because you think I’m stupid? I’m not! I know loads of stuff. Anyway, after reading my horoscope I’ve decided not to get my teeth fixed …”

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